There are two types of men who refuse to grow up. One isn’t better than the other, just different. The first guy still parties like a frat boy, plays around, openly admits he doesn’t want commitment, and manipulates to get what he wants. He lies, cheats, and only cares about himself.
The second type of guy is equally frustrating. He believes he should settle down and really tries to convince himself – and you – that he is capable. His wild ways aren’t licentious or sexual, rather very childlike. Instead of binge drinking like he’s 21, he’s playing like he’s 12. Instead of being a player, he’ll work you over with his childlike whimsy and carefree charms. He lies to himself, marches to the beat of his own drum, and, as with the first type, only cares about himself.
Both come in all shapes, sizes, cultural backgrounds, and socioeconomic levels. Although the first one usually has more monetary success and likes to show off material possessions that he feels make himself look better. The second one would rather spend his meager wages on comic books and read them during his nightly bath.
I’ve known men like this and had a number of girlfriends go through the ups and downs of dating a man who simply can’t get his life together. Here are eight signs that it may be time to move on and find a real man.
You Continually Nag
First Type: It is usually warranted because of bad behavior. He cheated on you, stood you up, lied to you, etc.
Second Type: This man-child truly doesn’t understand what you’re talking about. He’s clueless as to what an adult, romantic relationship entails. You constantly question your sanity because his actions aren’t necessarily awful deeds, they’re just very immature.
Neither type will change. Ever. It doesn’t matter how long you’re willing to wait. Men who act like children have an uncanny way of making you feel like you’re complaining for “no good reason,” and making “mountains out of molehills.” You often feel discombobulated. But he’s just being who he is. The first type is being honest when he says he doesn’t want a commitment and the second shows you with his actions that he’s not ready. The longer you stick it out, the angrier you’ll be at yourself for accepting less than what you deserve.
His Priorities Don’t Line Up
First Type: He only has eyes for you, until you catch him gazing into another woman’s eyes across from a romantic dinner table.
Second Type: He only has eyes for you, until his buddy that he hasn’t seen “in a long time” (like a week) calls and wants to see the latest Star Wars film.
You should be his No. 1 priority. If you feel like you’re constantly having to bid for a man’s time or it seems he would rather spend time with friends, it’s time to reconsider the relationship.
He’s The Most Fun To Be With
First Type: The perpetual bachelor lives in the moment. He doesn’t like conflict because he can’t handle the hard work it takes to resolve issues. This type also wants you and everyone else to like him. He’s often the life of the party.
Second Type: This one always enjoys living in the moment but tends to be more of an introvert, so it’s most special and fun when it’s just you two. He loves making you laugh and often tells you to “breathe,” or “relax” and “enjoy the evening.”
Like children, both types of personalities live and act on how they feel in the moment. Time is fleeting for them. They don’t like plans or compromise – ultimately not fun at all.
You Pick Up After Him
First Type: You’ll pick up the tab, his chin when he’s pouting, and a lot of slack for not letting him do what he wants.
Second Type: You’ll pick up his underwear, his laundry, and anything else his mom would be picking up if he still lived at home.
Men who refuse to grow up are not responsible men. That’s obvious. Sure, everyone deserves a little pampering once in a while, but if you notice a pattern of having to do his chores, or pick up the pieces when things go wrong, it’s a red flag.
He Can’t Form Or Maintain A Healthy Family
First Type: Likes to keep up with the Joneses, so may eventually get married and have kids. Many of these marriages end up in divorce with the man barely active in his children’s’ lives.
Second Type: These men rarely live with women, let alone get married. If they do, it’s based on a very logistic and strict set of rules.
He Gives Gifts
Both Types: Like a child who was naughty and brings a flower to his mom for forgiveness, so will Peter Pans. It’s easier to distract with pretty packages, flowers, and extravagant gifts than to resolve the underlying issues.
Ultimately most of these men know when they’ve messed up and will apologize. But unlike a little boy who doesn’t have the insight or experience to understand what went wrong, they should have the ability as men to have a mature conversation, fight fairly and work things out.
He Doesn’t Want To Lose You, But He Won’t Work That Hard To Keep You
Both Types: Most likely these men will misbehave or get away with their immaturity for as long as they can before you decide that enough is enough. This way, it’s your fault for ending the relationship. The other scenario is you get so fed up that you lash out, raise your voice, or even act inappropriately by name calling or not fighting fairly. Now you’re “crazy” and have caused the breakup. He feels he’s in the clear.
He Avoids Serious Conversations
Both Types: If you see panic on a guy’s face any time you bring up joining your lives together, getting married or having children, that’s another red flag. A man-child can have an extremely high IQ, but also not be very emotionally equipped. He will avoid, deflect and isolate before communicating his true needs, wants and feelings.
Living with a man-child is painful, unsatisfying and bound to end with someone getting hurt. The bigger question is, why are you drawn to unavailable men? Chances are, if you’re reading this, it may be time to ditch the dude and start looking within for happiness. A man-child is almost impossible to date or marry. He may never change, but you can. Therapy, meditation and support groups are there to help. There are some really good fish out there, too. I promise.